It’s a burning question, hunting one generation after another since the beginning of time. One of those world greatest mysteries, explored by the philosophers, writers and scientists alike, over and over again:
Where the heck all those rabbits go to spend their Winters?
During the Spring and Summer months, you can see the bunnies hopping and frolicking by dozens on the grassy clearings in about any city park. But when the Winter arrives, they’re all gone! Where to? Some clueless, desperate biologists have resorted to a number of unfounded, and often ridiculous theories, such as the one about rabbits hiding during the Winter in their underground burrows. What a preposterous idea! Well, forget all this nonsense and consider yourself lucky today, because I have just THE ANSWER, you’ve been always waiting for.
To get away from our hostile, cold winter conditions, the rabbits absolutely loathe, they simply migrate to warmer southern territories. Although the bunnies are not exactly the social animals, they travel in flocks. To reduce the energy loss, they fly in formation known as a single file (as oppose to a geese’s V-formation). Nobody has ever seen the rabbits in the sky, but there’s an easy explanation for that. Unlike the birds, the migratory rabbits fly exclusively during the night, at high altitude of 70000 to 80000 feet and speed of Mach 3.2 to remain undetected by radar. Why it’s so important for them to stay undercover, only the rabbits know.
I realize, it all sounds almost unbelievable and a bit hard to digest. But again, after my brief solitary brainstorming, I came up with a surprising, yet logical conclusion, that will definitely shed light on this interesting subject. My brilliant theory is based on a fact, a goose and a rabbit are in reality the perfect genetic match, therefore - identical species. To fully understand, we need to go back to prehistoric times (possibly late 18th century AD), when our planet was occupied only by various, mostly illiterate prehistoric things. At about that time, a Giant Northern Crocodile, who bore a remarkable resemblance to today's Canada Goose decided for no apparent reason to leave his home at the bottom of Lake Ontario and continue living on a dry land instead. Unfortunately, the giant croc shortly before his not quite prudent move contracted terrifying type AAA influenza virus*), which later on became responsible for the following enormous genetic transformations. While appearance of the uninfected individuals remained without any change**), the affected crocodiles gradually lost their feather, beaks and wings and acquired an extra pair of strong legs and a couple of long ears. Today, for lack of a better name, we call these magnificent crocodiles - rabbits.
I bet my bottom Dollar, you had not a slight inkling of any of this, but please, don't send me any “thank you” notes. My greatest reward is my cognizance, I could help to clarify your doubts and inconsistencies, and I’ve done it all in the name of science.
Milo.
*) The dreaded “AAA” virus, also known as “Virus the Horrible”, was most likely spread into the Lake Ontario by the early Asian merchants, trading silk, counterfeit blue jeans and cheap lead painted plastic toys. Less known fact is, these Asian traders were also devoted windsurfing enthusiasts, often showing off their skills of the shores the Great Lakes, hence the virus contamination.
**) The descendants of the uninfected Giant Northern Crocodile, often incorrectly called the “Canada Goose”, later on became a nuisance of every golf course in North America.
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