Career Change

Today marks Sunday, February 12th, which could mean only one thing: it is a good day to reflect on my past and perhaps to consider some minor life adjustments, such as a career change. Why today? Well, for no reason at all.

There in no shortage of exciting opportunities out there in terms of my potential new occupation, and I'll outline just a few.

 

I could become a family physician, or a brain surgeon. I mean – how hard that could be? Certainly much easier jobs than a funeral clown or crocodile wrangler. But doctor's job description includes seeing patients pretty much on daily bases and I don't like people in general, let alone the sick ones. And then, I'm not too keen on seeing blood or festering wounds, never mind performing the prostate exams.

 

But, there's always an option to turn into a star ballet dancer or a famous opera singer, perhaps a tenor or a mezzosoprano. A great benefit of being a stage performer is, the entire audience remains in the dark, therefore invisible! I believe, I already mentioned, I'm not particularly fond of people and a sight of them gives me the willies. I realize, my voice's more tearful that tuneful, but a lip sing trick would easily fix that. Just that you know, a lip singing does not apply the same way to dancing, but hey(!), a ballet's never been my cup of tea anyways.

 

To be honest, I haven't seriously consider to give it a shot, but I've heard, there might be some openings for a vomit collector in some theme parks. Those designated cleaners mop up puke near rides that tend to inspire motion sickness. But I don't think that's the job I'm looking for. Not to mention, I probably wouldn't last too long in this line of work, because being in a proximity of a vomit would undoubtedly trigger my own vomiting reflex, resulting in a vomit pile up and an urgent need to hire some additional vomit collectors.

 

I posted a few ads here and there, offering my services as an ostrich babysitter, but no takers yet. If my suspicions are correct, and there are not as many ostriches in North Surrey as I anticipated, this job will be definitely of the table soon.

There's a few more promising career choices, that briefly crossed my mind, but at the end they sadly did not make the cut. A snake milker, a cow hoof trimmer, a polar bear mother, a golf ball diver, the guy with the yellow coat, a dog food tester, a braille translator, an armpit sniffer, a zombie, a worm picker, a shark tank cleaner, a fecal archaeologist and a Bangladeshi otter trainer.

 

As you can certainly appreciate, searching for a fitting trade or profession can be extremely knotty and intricate, so after all this exhausting research, I've decided to stick with my original plan. I'll keep digging around through the job postings ads for a millionaire playboy offers. I strongly believe, I've got all the necessary qualifications and my intuitive feeling tells me, I'd be a perfect candidate for the job. And it beats a vomit collector hands down.